The Pastor's Wife

This week marks a significant day in my life. In fact, outside of the day that I trusted in Christ as my Lord and Savior, it is the most life-changing event in my short history on this earth. It was on the third Saturday in October of 2001 that Genee Horton dropped her last name in favor of mine…and nothing has been the same. I can honestly say that I am as amazed today that she actually said “I do” before God and our family and friends as I was amazed on that day. She is, without question, my best friend, my confidant, and my soul mate. As perhaps one of the greatest understatements in all of his writings, I agree with Paul in his estimation of marriage as a “mystery” (Ephesians 5:32). There has been nothing quite so difficult as the requirement for a marriage that honors the Lord. It has meant that we must both let go of “me” in favor of “we.” There is no area of my life which has been untouched by my own selfishness. And our marriage continues to expose it all. Yet, there is no greater joy in this life. As the writer of Proverbs wrote, so I agree; “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 22:18).

We learn more everyday just what God’s mandate of “two becoming one” must mean. We are learning that a joyful and an enduring marriage is impossible without this daily decision. As a result, we have taken ownership over every part of each other’s lives, especially that calling which God has placed upon us. So, when Genee took my name as her own, she was given a new and seemingly impossible role, the one so many of you know—she is “the pastor’s wife.” Several years ago, I came across an article which spoke to this honorable, yet unenviable role. I would encourage you to read it in its entirety at www.joemckeever.com and search for “We Owe the Pastor’s Wife a Great Debt of Love.” Following are some excerpts.

No one in the church family is more vulnerable than the pastor’s wife. She is the key figure in the life of the pastor and plays the biggest role in his success or failure.

And yet, many churches treat her as an unpaid employee, an uncalled assistant pastor, an always available office volunteer, a biblical expert and a psychological whiz.

She is almost always a reliable helper as well as an under-appreciated servant.

You might not think so, but she is the most vulnerable person in the building. That is to say, she is the single most likely person to become the victim of malicious gossip, sneaky innuendo, impossible expectations, and pastoral frustrations.

The pastor’s wife can be hurt in a hundred ways–through attacks on her husband, her children, herself. Her pain is magnified by one great reality: she cannot fight back.

She has to take it in silence, most of the time.

It takes the best Christian in the church to be a pastor’s wife and pull it off. And that’s the problem: in most cases, she’s pretty much the same kind of Christian as everyone else. When the enemy attacks, she bleeds.

The pastor’s wife occupies no official position, was not the object of a church vote, and gives no regular reports to the congregation on anything. And yet, no one person in the church is more influential in making the pastor a success–or a resounding failure–than she.

What we owe to the pastor’s wife….

1)We owe her the right to be herself. She is our sister in Christ and accountable to Him.

2) We owe her our love and gratitude. She has a one-of-a-kind role in the congregation which makes her essential to the church’s well-being.

3) We owe her our love and prayers. While the Father alone knows her heart, the pastor may be the only human who knows her burdens.

4) We owe her our responsible care. What does she need?

5) We owe it to the pastor and his wife to speak up. Sometimes, they need a friend to take their side.

6) We owe them protection for the pastor’s off days and vacations.

7) We owe them the same thing we owe the Lord: faithful obedience to Christ.

Thank you, church, for continuing to love on your pastor’s wife and children. It is the greatest gift that you could give to me. And thank you, Genee, for being your pastor’s wife. It is my highest honor and delight to serve God and His people alongside you.

Jason