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Irritation. Anger. Rage. How can one describe the difference between these often-explosive emotions? The following story gives us some indication.
Two friends, Bill and Tom, were drinking coffee at an all-night cafe. They got into a discussion about the difference between irritation, anger, and rage. At about 1 A.M., Bill said, "Look, Tom, I'll show you an example of irritation."
He went to the pay telephone, put in a coin, and dialed a number at random. The phone rang and rang and rang. Finally when a sleepy voice at the other end answered, Bill said, "I'd like to speak to Jones."
"There's no one here named Jones," the disgruntled man replied as he hung up.
"That," Bill said to Tom, "is a man who is irritated."
An hour later, at 2 A.M., Bill said, "Now I'll show you a man who is angry." He went to the phone, dialed the same number, and let it ring. Eventually, the same sleepy voice answered the phone.
Bill asked, "May I please speak with Jones?"
"There's no one here named Jones," came the angry reply, this time louder. The man slammed down the receiver.
An hour later, at 3 A.M., Bill said, "Now I'll show you an example of rage." He went to the phone, dialed the same number, and let it ring. When the sleepy man finally answered, Bill said, "Hi, this is Jones. Have there been any calls for me?"
I must confess that, though the lines between these emotions can become easily blurred, I have sensed my own attitude struggling with each in recent weeks. The circumstances of a pandemic (and my frustration over the response), the injustice of increasing crime in our culture, and the political maneuvering as our nation prepares to vote—these are just a few of the conditions that have engendered a growing irritation in my spirit. I know that I am not alone in this. Our sinful tendencies toward pride, selfishness, and envy (to name just a few) push us toward bitterness toward others. As circumstances grow more tumultuous, we use these as a justification for cynicism, unforgiveness, and even rage.
Yet, the Bible is no respecter of persons or circumstances in regard to unrighteousness. Sinful anger destroys, especially one’s relationship to God. Solomon writes, “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare” (Proverbs 22:24-25). Jesus states, “Everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment” (Matthew 5:22). So, while its dangers are clearly expressed in Scripture, how can we understand and manage this emotion for which we find so prevalent? Ephesians 4:26-27, 31-32 provides timely truth.
1. Understand that anger is a God-given emotion.—Ephesians 4:26
Anger is an attribute of God by which He expresses His righteousness and justice. God would not be holy were He not angry at sin and sinners (John 3:36; Romans 1:18). God created us with this emotion so that we might express righteous indignation against sin. When acts are committed which the Bible explains as offensive to God, it is appropriate to be angered.
2. Anger can quickly become sinful.—Ephesians 4:26-27, 31
When allowed to linger, anger can turn into thoughts, attitudes, or actions of bitterness, slander, and malice. The Bible strongly warns against being easily offended (James 1:19-20). When sinful anger begins to contaminate our attitude toward others, we must confess the wrong to God and allow the Spirit to control us (Galatians 5:16).
3. Kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness will combat sinful anger.—Ephesians 4:32
Is there one single wrong that has ever been committed against you which can possibly compare to the wrongs you have committed against God? If He can forgive you of these offenses, should we not forgive others? While a relationship can only be fully restored with repentance by the offending party, believers should do no less than has been done to us by God—we must be merciful. In the midst of your anger, are you kind? Tenderhearted? Forgiving?
One more story provides insight as to how we might deal with rising emotions of anger.
Robert Fulghum wrote of the summer of 1959 when he was working at the Feather River Inn in the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Just out of college, he was hot-headed and free with his opinions. One week he grew angry because the employees were being served the same thing for lunch every single day—two wieners, a mound of sauerkraut, and stale rolls. Furthermore, the cost of the meals was deducted from the employees’ checks. On Friday night he learned that the same fare would be on the employee menu for two days more.
Fulghum, who had already taken a strong dislike to the hotel’s owner, vented his anger to the night auditor, a man named Sigmund Wollman. I declared that I have had it up to here; that I am going to get a plate of wieners and sauerkraut and go and wake up the owner and throw it on him. I am sick and tired of this crap and insulted and nobody is going to make me eat wieners and sauerkraut for a whole week and make me pay for it and who does he think he is anyway and how can life be sustained on wieners and sauerkraut and this is un-American…
The hotel stinks anyhow. Fulghum continued in his tirade, and the horses are all nags and the guests are all idiots and I’m packing my bags and heading for Montana where they never even heard of wieners and sauerkraut and wouldn’t feed that stuff to pigs.
Fulghum raved on for about twenty minutes, delivering his monologue at the top of his lungs with much profanity.
Sigmund Wollman, who had spent three years in a German death camp during World War II, just sat, watching and listening. Finally he said, “Fulghum, are you finished?”
“No. Why?”
“Fulghum, you know what’s wrong with you? It’s not wieners and kraut and it’s not the boss and it’s not the chef and it’s not the job. You don’t know the difference between an inconvenience and a problem. If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire—then you got a problem. Everything else is just inconvenience. Life is inconvenient. Life is lumpy. Learn to separate the inconveniences from the real problems. You will live longer. And you will not annoy people like me so much.”
Before we lose our cool, it often helps to ask: Problem? Or inconvenience?
Jason