Greet Each Other with a Holy Kiss

“Greet one another with a holy kiss.” This command appears five times in the New Testament, four times in Paul’s writing (Romans 16:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; 1 Thessalonians 5:26), and once in Peter’s (1 Peter 5:14). In the cultures to which they were living and ministering (and in some cultures still), a common greeting between friends and family would be a kiss upon the cheek. This practice served as an expression by which individuals would acknowledge or welcome one another, in the same manner that the shaking of hands has become commonplace in our culture. While it may seem to be a strange type of greeting to most of us, in the first century culture of the Middle East, to refuse such a practice was paramount to rudeness. (In our culture, a kiss on the cheek by any other than a close relative might be returned by a fist to the cheek!)

Interestingly, Paul and Peter, by the Holy Spirit’s prompting, would include this greeting as a command in the holy writ of Scripture. They each added one word which would imply the meaning of such a command—“holy.” Just as God’s people were called to holiness (1 Peter 1:15), so now every activity in the life of the believer is to come under God’s directive. Everything in a believer’s life is to bring glory to God, even the manner in which greetings are given and received. Each time the command is given in the New Testament, it is in the closing section of individual letters. Such words can be easily overlooked as a cultural phenomenon for which we can simply ignore. However, just such a command is seemingly needed in our present day now more than ever.

Undoubtedly, you have experienced moments of great awkwardness over the last several months in regard to our greetings. The common welcome among friends, and especially within the church, has been a warm handshake, a pat upon the back, or perhaps a gentle hug. Yet, in response to the news of a pandemic, all of our normal greetings have become discarded. Health officials warned that the clasping of hands and the embrace of friends is no longer proper, but is now downright dangerous. In fact, we are given constant reminders in every realm of life that we should not even come within six feet of another not within our household. One would need very big lips indeed to follow the Bible’s command of a holy kiss in the COVID era!

As a result of these health recommendations, the means by which so many of us have expressed our hospitality and friendship to one another has been prohibited. Upon seeing one another, we must simply wave from a distance and smile (unless, of course, a mask is being worn, which lends the smile obsolete). Often times, many are left wondering what to do. A warm expression of greeting is desired, but out of respect for another’s concerns, moments of awkwardness ensue. Friends and acquaintances who once welcomed a hand and a hug are now relegated to an uncomfortable and cold exchange.

This very circumstance has occurred countless times when the church has gathered over the last several months. Think of all the common practices which involve interpersonal touch for which the church has had to alter. Seating arrangements, greeting times, holding hands during prayer, the passing out of plates for offering and prayer, and seemingly every manner in which we express “hello” and “goodbye” has been altered in many places of worship. Yet, in the midst of these sweeping changes to our social interaction, how can the church still be obedient to a clear command in which we express kindness and love to each other?

Two important principles can be drawn from Paul and Peter’s instruction that believers “Greet one another with a holy kiss”:

1) We are not to forsake the greeting of one another.

While we should not be dogmatic on the exact means of expression, face-to-face interaction seems to be a forgone conclusion in this command. There is something rather deceptive about the term “social distancing”; it is not a possibility. No more can one be “distantly social” than can one be “socially distant.” Meaningful social interaction calls for close proximity. Of course, a letter, a phone call, or a video conference can certainly express communication and even some sense of genuine care. However, the non-verbal expressions and appropriate gestures of touch shared by individuals in close proximity are of immeasurable value. While the use of technology can suffice for worship in extreme and temporary circumstances, we have been wired by our Creator to interact and relate by a use of all the senses.

There may be unique and brief times in which familial greetings among believers is suspended, but we must be careful to disallow this from becoming normal. A common phrase used throughout Scripture is that of “one another.” God’s people are called to live in community and share life together. Even amidst fears regarding the transmission of disease, we must not ignore the real dangers of isolation. Disease claims many lives, but greater still are the victims of loneliness, depression, fear, and unaccountability. The loss of meaningful community can cause irreparable damage to the soul.

2) We are to greet one another in a holy manner.

Regardless of the means appropriate to the cultural context, the greeting is to be shared in a spiritually meaningful way. The greeting of a kiss upon the cheek was a sign of great friendship and respect in Jesus’ day, yet the most insidious act of betrayal against Jesus came with a kiss upon the cheek (Matthew 26:49). Our greetings toward one another should be warm and sincere, not laced by pride or manipulation. We should express genuine love to each other by our welcome, an overflow from the heart that loves God and His people. Rather than being overbearing, love “bears all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7), so, we must consider the concerns of another even in our greeting. Our concern for a fellow believer must preempt our own preferences. The aim of the Christian greeting is that Christ’s love is expressed, not that one’s selfish wish is satisfied.

There may be some who are genuinely uncomfortable in our current setting with some long-standing cultural greeting (such as a hug or a handshake). Let us not falter in expressing Christ’s love even in the absence of such gestures.

Like no other time in recent history, fellow believers must follow through with this nearly forgotten command of Scripture. In so doing, we will “stir up one another to love and good works…and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:24-25).

Jason